Friday night’s alright for fighting

Last Friday, the delivery OG Uber Eats pulled a vanishing act right in the middle of the dinner rush. For a few frantic hours, orders vanished into the ether, as thousands of kitchen-avoiders realised the “Help” button on their phones was a misnomer.

But the real disaster wasn’t a tech error; it was human. When the system crashed, the customer support bots – you know the soulless algorithms we’re told are the future of customer service – collapsed too. Restaurant owners were left shouting into a digital void while the hangry took their frustrations out on the only people they could find: the people behind the counter.

It’s the ultimate hospitality catfishing. We’ve been sold a dream of “frictionless” scaling, but when the friction actually hits, these tech giants disappear faster than a ghost kitchen in a tax raid, leaving you to pick up the pieces of your clientele’s broken burger/tandoori/pad thai dreams.

Put simply, if you don’t have a direct line to your customer, you don’t own a business; you own a franchise of someone else’s glitch.

Here’s what you can do:

• The 10% direct bribe: Every delivery bag must contain a “next time, call us” voucher. 10% off for them, 20% more margin for you.
• Phone a friend: Keep a dedicated phone line for locals. In a world of bots, a human voice saying, “I’ve got your burger right here” is a premium luxury.
• Data is your lifeboat: If you don’t have your regulars’ email addresses, you’re missing the boat. Start building your own list today.

This content is contributed by a guest author. Startups.co.uk / MVF does not endorse or take responsibility for any views, advice, analysis or claims made within this post.